The Grass Is The Same Colour On The Both Sides Of My Fence

So, did you ever really think about your lawn? I was cutting mine (again) tonight and logically having one doesn’t make any sense at all. Here we are, building beautiful homes and surrounding them with what is essentially domesticated weeds. Having a lawn is one of the few things that people just automatically do. Got a house - gotta get that lawn planted. In fact, someone invented sod cause some people can’t get their lawn fast enough!

But where does it all come from? This desire to grow a green blanket around your domicile? I think it likely has something to do with mans desire to conform and have control over some (small) part of their life. At some point along the way it just became an expected thing to do. No doubt a King somewhere grew a lawn and all the peasants copied it to be like the King. A lot of things get started that way.

Lawns could also hearken back to some primal jungle urge. In this world of chaos, the lawn, especially for men, is one thing they can have complete control over. You can plant it, cut it, water it…and pity any weeds that even think about poking their heads out! Even if your lawn is only the size of a postage stamp, there’s a level of satisfaction that’s very hard to explain.

Having a lawn is class-less. You could live in a multi-million dollar mansion or a tar-paper shack, and still have a lawn. Even people who live in grass huts have lawns - in fact, they build their homes from their lawn. Maybe it’s one of those things that puts everyone on an equal playing field. Regardless of what the rest of the property looks like, visitors can still say “what a beautiful lawn”.

Then there’s the whole issue of mowing lawns. It’s a curious thing really. Have you ever watched people cut their lawns, or thought about how you do it? The way I figure it, the world is divided into two groups based on how you cut your grass: the row cutters and the circlers. You either mow up in a long row and turn around and mow back beside the first row but in the opposite direction - “a row cutter”. Or, you mow in an ever decreasing circle. You begin by going along the outside edge and mowing in a clock-wise fashion (always clock-wise) until the area gets smaller and smaller. Like a big hypno-disc - these are “the circlers”. And it doesn’t matter whether the area to be mowed is rectangular or some odd shape, these two practices prevail.

I’d like someone to do a personality study on the two types of mowers. My guess is that the “row cutters” are more anal retentive and the “circlers” are more dreamers. Just a theory.

So why do we have lawns? I don’t know. Habit I guess. I think I’m going to start my own trend though. A moat around my house instead of grass. Just dig it all up and fill it in with water. But then I guess, instead of mowing, I’d spend all my time fishing kids toys out of the water. It never ends.